I recently lost a Job Opportunity that would have propelled me into a career that even my delusions would have been jealous over, but I’m still hear writing this. I’m alive. I’m creative, and I’m minus one outlet, so what do I do?
I learn. Like ever great failure before me, lies an egg. An experience which over time, if nurtured properly, will grow into a lesson. I adapt. Many great obstacles are before me, and many changes before arriving “satisfactorily”. WTF fortune cookie, I doubt that’s even a word. But I take it’s meaning to heart.
I stumbled recently upon a short film which my friend had the great privilege of starring in. Challenged with the task of playing a schizophrenic hospital patient, he drove us through a whirl-winded mind, filled with startling; albeit confusing scenarios. We first learn he is in a hospital as my dear friend, shuffles down a hallway on his way to therapy. From there, the director tries to exemplify his alcohol dependency, elaborate his parents separating (permanently), and takes us on a music video dance party. I’m probably sure it was meant to mean something deeper, but just like the water drop sounds my keys make while I’m typing, it just wasn’t there, and failed to deliver.
But that’s what I’ve always wanted to do (Made a short film, not fail to deliver). I emulate him for achieving something I’ve spent a lot of time trying to do, on my own. So I learned everything I could about this short film, so I could learn. But Everything I learned, I already knew. The concept was broad, the characters lacked depth, the actress didn’t understand the “emotional parts”. I laughed at how poor the production was, and thought, “This is why I need to make something. I KNOW I can make something better.” But I’ve never do it, so how do I know?
Because I didn’t get that job, I’ve begun to doubt myself; challenge myself. I don’t think I can exercise, so I want to do it more. So I can know I can’t do it. Surprisingly though, I can. And the reason I haven’t pushed myself to make a film, was sitting right in front of me, counting each floor as he fell.
I need to admit something to myself, my first production will not be a master piece. I’m a long ways off from being the next Stanley Kubrick, but as long as I maintain the will and passion for emulating him, then I’m on the right path to bring more film directors like him to the table. Self-perpetuation of of greatness through humanity. We are not the only artists on this planet, but in order for greatness to continue, people need to believe they can achieve it. And the experiences, these eggs that blossom into lessons, are how we get there.
I didn’t get the job, for a reason, and I haven’t made a film yet, because I don’t know how. But when I do know, I will and I’ll be on my way.